For those of you who read my 25 Random Things About Me post, I lost my father. He died kind of unexpectedly though he was in the hospital. Up until a year prior to his hospitalization, my mom was his caregiver. My sister and I lived home with them but she was the main person who took care of his personal needs. She had done such a good job of it that we had no idea how sick he actually was. When he died, everything seemed to freeze. It was hard to breathe. I couldn’t imagine the sun having the audacity to come up the next morning, but it did. In fact, it kept rising everyday since then. This simple truth helped me pick the pieces and go on with what was left of my life. Daddy was not only the nucleus of his family, but of his community. Everyone took his death in different ways. A year before he died, my mama was in a terrible car accident that left her paralyzed. I took a leave of absence as a French Teacher and stayed home with both of them. That was probably the most challenging year of my life. My mom could barely do anything for herself and needed 24-hr care. I was only 26 years old. I spent so much time tending to her needs that I didn’t notice my father fading away right in front of me. Everything he said seemed like he thought he were saying it for the last time. I had no idea that he would be gone. Since then, I’ve gotten married and recently moved my mom in with us. Once again my caregiver role has returned. I’m not bitter at all about it though. It makes me sad sometimes that Mama wants to do things and she can’t. She had gone her whole life doing as she pleased. I watch her face light up when she goes to a restaurant or a movie. She’s just grateful that someone even takes her anywhere. I’ve learned so much being with her in her condition. I mainly learned to find joy in the little things in life. She does this everyday. I admire her. I love her. I get tired of her. I love spending time with her. I get angry at her. She’s still one of my best friends. She got sick this morning and asked to go the hospital. I took her. The doctors want to keep her. I went into the restroom and wept. I’m so tired sometimes, but we’re family and families have to do what they have to do right? Right… So I do the “work”:
Mother’s Nature
By Lynn S. Keane
We start out so small, curled up inside.
As we grow in life, we stretch and open up so wide.
We learn, choose and absorb our knowledge through many years,
But as we see ourselves get older we also see the fears.
I see you fragile, sad and closing up as you get old,
It hurts me inside to see you age, lose strength and watch you fold.
I see you as a child; lost looking for a way,
I will be there for you as we take each day.
I have to accept that one day you will be gone,
but for now, together, you and I will stay strong.
I LOVE YOU, MA!
You are a good daughter. Thanks for sharing your story.